Hanna Gets 'Erself Inta a Wee Bit O' Trouble
by Pirate Bob
Summary: Hanna be trapped by a pirate, escapes and then captured again. She ends up havin' fun, though, in spite o' 'erself.
1. Chapter 1

_Arrr, I don't own Hanna Blontana er Narnia er Prince Caspian. This be the most action-filled yarn on the web and ye've been pure lucky ta 'ave found it ta cling ta. 'Twill keep ye afloat, it 'twill, Mateys._

**Hanna Gets 'Erself in a Wee Bit o' Trouble**

A wee girl named Hanna Blondtana was swimming in 'er private ocean one day when a pirate came along and netted 'er up. 'E took 'er to 'is island fortress and stowed 'er there in a tower.

One day the girl fell in love with the pirate, so 'e let 'er out of the tower on probation. But it was all a charade. As soon as she had tasted freedom again Hanna Blondtana forgot all about 'er recent love interest and eloped with a passing surfer dude.

This angered the pirate a wee bit and 'e decided to do some foul deeds. 'E gathered his crew and stole a navy ship. They went all o'er the sea, blowin' things up and sinkin' other boats. Finally they came across a man and a woman on a surf board.

"Heave to!" called the pirate down to them.

"What?" they asked.

"Heave to!"

"What?"

"Oh fer the love of St. Peter!" said the pirate, "Take those silly plugs from out yer ears and pay attention. Ye've both got water on the brain, anyhoo! 'Heave to' means ta yield and come near me ship so I can drop down onta yer vessel and have me way with ye."

"What?"

One of the pirates crewmen patted 'im on the shoulder. "It's okay, captain. It's okay."

The pirate was wracked with nerves by now. 'E raised his head and told the crewman to give him a leg up so he could go o'er the gunwales. The crewman lifted a wooden leg and handed it to the pirate.

"Not that way, ya sea gherkin!" screamed the pirate, taking the leg and whapping the man o'er the head with it. "Ah fer the love of St. Job." And he put the peg leg back on 'is stump and 'efted 'imself o'er the gunwale.

'E landed squarely on the surfboard. But alas, they'd then exceeded the maximum weight limits of the tiny ship and it broke in two.

"Dude!" screamed the surfer. "Look what you did to my board."

They all treaded water for a bit and then the pirate spluttered, "Ye mean, 'look what _ye_ did to _me_ _craft!'_ A board is somethin' ye eat on, fer the love of saint Reuben and Jehoshaphat and all of the apostles!"

"Whatever, dude," said the surfer.

After that they all came aboard and Hanna Blondtana had fun because the crew let her shoot the 50 caliber machine guns out front and the anti-aircraft weapons too. She sank a schooner and downed some guy that flew by in one of those ridiculous little ultra-lights. 'E deserved the fall.

Well the pirate and the surfer dude began swappin' yarns, and the surfer dude, turns out he's related to Prince Caspian from Narnia.

"Arrr, what a place, that Narnia."

"For real."

"I once had a pipe that was whittled from the broken arm of a mannequin from Narnia."

"For real! I did too! And here it is."

And the blond surfer dude pulled an ornate wooden pipe from his swimmin' trunks.

"Ne'er mind," said the pirate and 'e turned aside and wretched o'er the gunwale.


	2. Hanna Talks 'er Way Out

After a bit more o' such nonsense, the surfer was evicted from the ship and Hanna Blondtana was taken below. The Pirate locked 'er in the 'old and said, "Ye kin stay in there and think aboot what ye've done."

"But, me dear pirate," said the girl, "I've already been thinking aboot it, and was so vexed on that board with that dude. I was so happy ta hear yer voice when ye called."

"Oh? Is that why ye said 'what?' and laughed at me?"

"Well, sort of, but what I mean to say be that I'm not really yer type, ye know?"

The pirate thought this o'er and decided ta open the door where 'e could look 'er in the eye and see if she was bein' sincere or not. "Whatdye mean?" 'e said, "Yer not me type?"

"Oh, you know, I'm not your type of girl."

The pirate slapped the sides of his head with his hands. "Arrrr, ye mean, 'O, _ye_ know, I be not _yer_ type o' _lass_!'" 'E couldn't stand it when people couldn't talk the way 'e warranted, especially since it was such proper and elegant english.

"Whate'er," said Hanna Blondtana. "Anyway, I know where there's a girl that you'd be better off with. I met her in Brownies."

"I see, and who might she be?"

"Her name is _Adira_. She is bossy, mean, and lies and curses just like a seaman." Hanna Blondtana watched 'im carefully as though she was 'opin' 'e'd take the bait.

Well, the pirate did. First order o' business was ta get the lass's whereaboots outa Hanna Blondtana, and next on the agenda was ta get rid o' Hanna Blondtana 'erself. That part was more difficult than 'e'd expected, fer the sticky little gal wouldn't let go a 'is peg leg and then when the sailors tried ta pull 'er loose, she took the leg with 'er and began bangin' 'em all on their shins and knees.

"Ouch! Ow!"

"Oh me shin!"

"Hey! Ouch! Stop that, me little deary!"

Before long, the entire crew was crippled, and Hanna Blondtana was mannin' the guns again. She shot down a British airliner and dusted a Red Fokker biplane from the air afore the captain could steal up behind 'er and take away that leg o' 'is again.

Hanna Blondtana began ta weep.

"There now! Yer not so big without yer leg now, are ye?"

"No! I'm just a wee girl and I deserve ta be flogged fer me actions."

"'Ush now, vixen, fer that kin easily be arranged. But instead I 'ereby sentence ye ta the plank, now get outa 'ere." And with that the pirate gave the girl a boot and she was gone with a splash o'er starboard.

"Arrr, now, let's see. As soon as me crew 'as mended, we'll set oot fer this alleged Adira. And she'll be the star I navigate by in me next yarn."

**Arrrrr……**


	3. Chapter 3 Hanna Drowns in the Caspian Se

**Narnian seas again!**

A day later, the pirat found out he shoulda kept Hanna Blondtana around to tease, but avast! It was too late by then, fer she'd probably either swum ta shore or drowned in 'er own private ocean.

The pirate was feelin' better, and so was 'is crew, so they weighed anchor and manned the sails. Off they went ta find…

Adira.

As they sailed, the pirate got to hummin' a little tune in 'is head, and then he graced the crew with it. It went like this:

"Adira, o Adira, sweet liar, bad girl. Where in Narnia might ye be, anyhoo?"

After that, the pirate was alone on the ship, fer the despicable crew 'ad deserted 'im. It wasn't 'is fault, Adira didn't rhyme with anything!

**Arrr….**


End file.
